It was about a month and a half ago that my world experienced an earthquake. It was so big that it almost dropped me to my knees. The shaking started early one December day in my classroom. I was looking for something when my eyes suddenly stopped. Pinned to the filing cabinet was a child’s drawing of an elephant. But this wasn’t just any old elephant. It was Ellie the Pink Elephant. The child who drew Ellie is now a man. He’ll be graduating high school in a few short months. I could not believe it. That meant for the last EIGHT years I had sat on what I call my God-Dream. I put my hands over my head, ashamed and embarrassed, and cried in my room.
But if I’m really real, it’s not just been eight years. I’ve actually sat on part of my God-Dream for almost HALF of my life. Truthfully, God placed a kernel of the dream in my heart when I was 12 or 13. (But I didn’t know at that time it could be a calling.)
So why would I do this? Why stall for decades? Fear and doubt definitely top the list. As I type this right now, I’m scared to death. I’m scared to be real with you. Being real means commentators, critics, and conflicts — three things I really don’t like. But I can no longer bury my talents and deny what I believe God wants me to do. I know I must be real, no matter how embarrassed I might be at the moment. It’s the only way I know how to write. So, enough stalling. It’s time to start.
Terrible words rush over me all the time. Who do you think you are? You’re not good enough to be a writer. Your writing is not special. You will never get a publisher. It’s impossible to break into publishing these days. And if you did, Kendra, finally get a publisher, who would want to buy your books? Then, what happens when you fail? Because you will fail. Why do you think God has called YOU?! Why would God use you? And if God were to use you? Well, you know, Kendra, you’re not a good enough Christian.
Before you start, yes, I know what the Bible says, and I know the words are straight from the enemy. I promise, I’m working at being a nicer person to myself. I am just being real with my feelings and thoughts.
So, I can probably guess what you’re thinking right now. Man, she’s really hard on herself ! And maybe you’re questioning the title of this post — #pinkpants? What does that mean? The answer is found in my long, winding journey over steep mountains to becoming a writer.
TO BE CONTINUED
Writing With Polar Bears 
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